Whod you bang
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
