he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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