Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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