So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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