It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
