I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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