I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
now i know why i became what i already was.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
