last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
