Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
