I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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