I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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