Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
