dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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