He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
babies were throwing up all over the place
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
