Ambien. No doubt about it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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