she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
