Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
