i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
