In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
