Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
