you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
