What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
