just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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