do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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