we have officially lost it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
