Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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