Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If its not for food we ain't going out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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