I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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