so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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