someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
