Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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