Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
