I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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