My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
