That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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