yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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