I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
