Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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