I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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