My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
