i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dick very happy bro
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
