I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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