Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
