Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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