508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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