I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
