margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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