someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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