KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
