I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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