Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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