God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
