I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
