Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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