the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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