Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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