If i come over, it means nothing
I seem to have left my pride at pride
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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