How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
