He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
