"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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