That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
