Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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