well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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