Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
