I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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