Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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