i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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