all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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