AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
