JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
