Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
