I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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