I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
