it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
