She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
