idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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