mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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