well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
