Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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